Sex education cannot begin early enough; experts even talk about facts of life education «from birth». Certainly, sexuality means different things, depending on the maturity and age level of a child. That being considered, it is possible to discuss sexuality with children of any age. The most important thing is to address the subject in an age-appropriate manner.
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0-2 years: Babies are born with an innate need for bodily contact and tenderness. They experience the world, guided by this need. Infants from the age of 3 months on smile or appear particularly cheerful when they stimulate themselves. Do not be surprised: even very small boys can have an erection.
Important for living together: Physical attention is the most important factor for a positive development of your child: tender caressing, cuddling and affectionate words let your children experience their own body and provides them with a feeling of security and reliability.
2-4 years: There is a growing interest in bodily secretions. Where do «pee» and «poo» come from? Children notice gender differences and many ask questions already about sex. They want to explore their body and compare it with those of others.
Important for living together: Please name the genitals. This way, children learn to express themselves and ask questions. Words like «penis» or «vagina» can be used in everyday vocabulary without being unpleasant for the children. Provide your children with adequate places of retreat for «playing doctor» activities; sexual curiosity is part of a healthy development.
5-8 years: Questions about pregnancy, conception and prevention appear at the forefront. The children should also be prepared for the onset of puberty, as menstruation for many girls begins at the age of 8 or 9 years already.
Important for living together: Explain the sex act in a childlike way, but honestly: “Babies grow in Mommy’s tummy. For this purpose, Daddy’s penis must go into Mommy’s vagina. A tiny seed from the penis combines with an egg in Mommy’s tummy and a baby grows from it!” Be prepared that your child will find that funny or may react to it with disgust. Show understanding. Relevant books can be helpful to enhance and support such a conversation.
9-11 years: At this age, children have already acquired an extensive knowledge about the topic of sexuality.
Important for living together: Children in this age group do not readily admit their own ignorance about this issue. Inquire about what your child knows and does not know and fill in any knowledge gaps. Take advantage of this opportunity to correct any misconceptions and wrong information your child may have acquired. Ideally, children will open up and ask you questions about issues and matters that they are most concerned about at the moment.
This leads to establishing trust and a feeling on the part of the child: I can ask my parents about anything that interests me.
«The child’s sexual development is characterized by experiences and events which, strictly speaking, are not of a sexual nature: closeness, love, physical contact by significant others make a decisive contribution to children’s feeling at ease in their bodies and their establishing of appropriate boundaries to avoid things they do not like. Those who feel secure will also deal self-confidently with their own sexuality.»1
Generally speaking: The more frequently the subject of sexuality is talked about, the more natural and relaxed you will feel when discussing the topic!
