Practice I-Messages
Living Democracy » Parents » CHILDREN (4 – 12 years) » Bullying » Practice I-MessagesPractice examples 3
Imagine the following situations. Write down how you would normally react. Then try to find an I-Message with its three parts. Compare your I-Message with your usual reaction. What could the I-Message change in the communication with your child? Compare your I-Message with the suggestions.
Children being late
Your son has gone to school and promised to return straight home at the end of classes. Now he arrives one hour later without calling
you.
What would you say? How do you generally react in this situation?
___________________________________________________________________
Try to find an effective I-Message:
| description (without judgement) of the child`s behavior | Your feelings caused by this behavior | Concrete and practical effects of the child`s behavior |
Compare with your normal reaction. What could the I-Message change in your conversation with your child?
Possible I-Message:
| description (without judgement) of the child`s behavior | Your feelings caused by this behavior | Concrete and practical effects of the child`s behavior |
| When you arrived late from school, without calling me… | …I was worried about you and what might have happened. | I was so distracted, I couldn‘t work effectively. |
Kitchen in a mess
When you come home after shopping and find your kitchen in a big mess, you realize that your children must have just gotten up and failed to clean up after breakfast.
What would you say? How do you normally react in such a situation?
___________________________________________________________________
Try to find an effective I-Message:
| description (without judgement) of the child`s behavior | Your feelings caused by this behavior | Concrete and practical effects of the child`s behavior |
Compare with your normal reaction. What could the I-Message change in your conversation with your child?
Possible I-Message:
| description (without judgement) of the child`s behavior | Your feelings caused by this behavior | Concrete and practical effects of the child`s behavior |
| When I returned home from shopping, I found dirty dishes from your breakfast in the kitchen. | I was disappointed because… | … I had to collect all your dirty dishes and load the dishwasher and lost a lot of time on my free Saturday. I would have preferred reading the newspaper instead. |
