You seem so depressed John. Are you having trouble with your classmates?

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It is important that you communicate your worries and observations sensitively when talking with your son. Choose an appropriate setting for your open discussion, as it is often much easier for children to talk about a subject in a casual and incidental way. A walk together, solving a puzzle game, or going for a drive somewhere could all be good occasions for such an exchange.

You should also make sure to allow for enough time, as time pressure will make it harder for your son to talk about these sensitive issues.
A good way to initiate the conversation may be sharing your observations about your child’s current situation (see example). Talking about an experience where you had difficulties with other children or in school could also serve as a good conversation starter.

If John opens up and wants to talk with you, be careful to avoid recriminations. Statements such as “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why didn’t you tell the teacher?” can seem like an interrogation and easily evoke feelings of guilt, shame and anger.

You can offer support to your son by affirming him and taking his feelings seriously: “I can see this must have made you feel very sad, I can understand that you don’t want to go to school anymore.”

You will obtain a clearer picture of the situation when you discuss the matter with your child’s teachers. Advice on how to approach this can be found here.