I-Messages:
Try to frequently send „I-Messages“. In these messages you express your feelings, thoughts and expectations. An effective I-Message consists of three parts:
1. description of the (unacceptable) behavior
2. the feelings of the parent/ the sender
3. the practical effect the child’s behavior has on the parent/ the sender
The behavior is what your child does or says. Provide a simple description of the unacceptable behavior. Be careful: do not judge/evaluate, nor interpret this behavior!
In a second step, assess your feelings evoked by this behavior. What are my feelings? You must communicate them frankly. Being honest and not hiding emotions and feelings demands a great effort. This way, your child can understand why this behavior is not acceptable and that it has to change.
Your child must know why his/her behavior is a problem and unacceptable. Likewise, you must communicate the concrete and practical consequences of this behavior. Moreover, this unacceptable behavior causes other negative effects (loss of time or money, more work for you, preventing you from doing other things you like or have to do, etc.).
Remember:
I-Message = behavior + feelings + effect
Here you find some tasks to practice your I-Messages!
