Following a long day in school, Mariyam, your 9-year old daughter, is only reluctantly persuaded to finish her homework. After trying for a little while and failing to catch on, she is totally frustrated and wants to quit1.
Who is not familiar with this situation? Homework problems are frequently the number one conflict issue in many families. The parents who wish to encourage and further their children, want them to complete their homework properly. Homework assignments are considered important learning opportunities which one’s children must not forego. However, the students are often unwilling to devote much time on academic learning outside of school. They may not quite comprehend the assignments and what they are supposed to do. Moreover, they are unable to ask for assistance if both parents are at work, whereas the parents who want to help quickly turn into “assistant teachers“. Thus, they control, remind and impose sanctions on their children out of concern that the assignments might otherwise not be finished, or done incorrectly. How should the parents act in such a situation?
Choose from among the following possible reactions and see how things might continue and what kinds of suggestions we have for you!
Tips and tricks for dealing with the controversial issues of “homework“
Delegate responsibility! Homework assignments are a matter between teachers and students. As parents, you may often unknowingly exert pressure on your children because you feel responsible for their professional future and everything related to it. Do not get involved in a power struggle, delegate the responsibility for completing the homework assignments to your children. This way, they learn to assume responsibility for their actions and become more self-confident in the process. Responsible conduct and action is vitally important for your children as future, autonomous citizens in a democratic society.
When homework assignments take too long… This can occur for various reasons. Perhaps the assignments are unclear, or the students misunderstood something. However, children at times seek the helpful attention of their parents, realizing that “when I have difficulties, my parents will come and devote their time and attention to me.“ Nevertheless, many children are overwhelmed with homework and thus become discouraged and frustrated. Try to figure out the cause for excessive amounts of time spent on homework assignments, then act accordingly.
Little breaks are essential! If you feel that your children seem frequently frustrated with homework assignments or overwhelmed with a multitude of tasks without a work plan, you should develop a task schedule together with your children. Do not overestimate their ability to concentrate and include short breaks into your children’s work schedule.
Homework as a venue for other conflicts? Do your children feel unjustly treated by their teachers? Is there trouble in school? Do your children feel misunderstood? Issues with homework can also arise for other reasons. Take the time to understand your children’s feelings and take them seriously. You can find useful, pertinent suggestions and tips under the heading “open communication”.
Speak with the teachers of your children! If you feel that your children require too much time for their homework, or if there are other issues with homework assignments, contact their teachers directly and discuss your questions and issues in a timely manner. Thus, uncertainties can be addressed before your children fail in despair at their tasks and greater conflicts arise at home.
„Talking with kids about homework” is based on the following references:
1 Heueck-Mauss, Doris. 2016. So rede ich richtig mit meinem Kind: Wie Worte wirken: Konflikte fair lösen: Stressfreier erziehen. Hannover: Humboldt, 33 ff.
2 Heueck-Mauss, Doris. 2016. So rede ich richtig mit meinem Kind: Wie Worte wirken: Konflikte fair lösen: Stressfreier erziehen. Hannover: Humboldt, 32.
3 Heueck-Mauss, Doris. 2016. So rede ich richtig mit meinem Kind: Wie Worte wirken: Konflikte fair lösen: Stressfreier erziehen. Hannover: Humboldt, 44.
Braun, Liselotte. 2017. “Knatsch bei den Hausaufgaben- das muss nicht sein.» Das Schweizer Elternmagazin Fritz und Fränzi, April, 18-19.
Council of Europe. 2016. Competences For Democratic Culture. Living together as equals in culturally diverse democratic societies. Strasbourg: Council of Europe Publishing, 41 f.
Heueck-Mauss, Doris. 2016. So rede ich richtig mit meinem Kind: Wie Worte wirken: Konflikte fair lösen: Stressfreier erziehen. Hannover: Humboldt, 25 ff.
