Recognizing problematic behavior

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Recognizing problematic behavior

In discussions with your teenagers, make sure to emphasize the risks of using the media, particularly digital media. Maintain the contact with your children and take an interest in their activities. Observe notable behavioral changes and remain vigilant.

If your teenagers should show a dramatic performance decline in school or completely isolate themselves socially, if poor physical or emotional well-being is a daily occurrence, contact other reference persons, such as their classroom teachers. Ask them for their assessment and help.

In this chapter you find information about the following topics:
Cyberbullying
Addictive behavior
Violence on the internet
Pornography on the internet

How to recognize cyberbullying?⁴

Indications of cyberbullying are not clearly recognizable, as perpetrators, victims and spectators are often reluctant to make themselves known. However, cyberbullying certainly changes the affected children’s behavior. They tend to

• … withdraw socially, dislike going to school. Their classroom performance declines and their interests change significantly.
• … exhibit physical and psychological symptoms (e.g. lack of appetite, sleep disturbances, despondency, feelings of inferiority and depression).
• … no longer enjoy using the internet. They drop out of chats if someone else looks at the screen, or they appear distraught and evasive after reading new posts and messages.
• … consistently block any conversations about behavioral or other conspicuous changes, downplaying them, or they appear to react with shame and evade the questions.

What parents can do:

• Offer support: Children should feel assured that they can talk with their parents anytime about their experiences on the internet and that confiding in them does not present an insurmountable obstacle.
• Show understanding: React sensibly and sympathetically to possible changes in the child’s behavior.
• Take things seriously: Children must know that they and their concerns are taken seriously and that they will receive help. If parents want to take concrete steps about certain issues, it is useful to include the child in their discussions and attempts at a solution.
• Do not punish: Prohibiting cell phone use or an internet ban is not useful. Cyberbullying is generally not caused by a child’s misconduct; contents about the affected person can be published independent of a person’s use of internet or mobile devices.
• Contacting the school: It can be useful to address the issue with the child’s school to suggest that cyberbullying become the subject of a classroom discussion.
• Help your teenagers with collecting and saving screenshots as evidence of cyberbullying. If the perpetrators are known, ask them to delete the pertinent content. If this does not happen, ask the platform provider to take appropriate action.
• Serious cases of cyberbullying should be reported to the police. It may also be advisable to obtain prior legal consultation.
• For additional information about bullying in general, see “Talking with kids about bullying”

How can you recognize addictive behavior?⁵

In the case of online-addiction, the center of a person’s life shifts increasingly from real life to virtual reality. Affected individuals often refuse communal meals, preferring to live in darkened rooms in front of their PC, rather than pursuing outdoor activities with others, and they are totally fatigued by constant sleep deprivation. Other consequences are decreasing performance in school, social withdrawal, loss of interest in activities with peers.

What parents can do:

• Watch out for compliance with age limits with computer games.
• Maintain contact with your children, make them show you the games they play, and talk with them about their online activities and their preferred websites.
• Consider how a thirst for adventure and the need for belonging, recognition and success can also be satisfied in the real world.
• In cases of excessive consumption of internet and game activities: reduce the time limit per day or week and develop ideas for alternative leisure activities together with your child. As previously suggested, a contract for media use might be helpful in this regard.
• If you are no longer able to get through to your child, seek expert advice. Regional addiction advice centers are frequently staffed with specialists in the area of “online addiction“.

Depiction of violence on the internet⁶

Violence is very much present in the media today. Digital media in particular carry the inherent risk that adolescents are exposed to numerous depictions of violence. Moreover, the circulation of images of real violence is increasingly widespread due to self-made videos on smartphones. The consumption of violent material can have negative effects on children and adolescents: rage, fear, irritation are feelings that many consumers experience. Likewise, the consumption of violence can affect their behavior. With the presence of certain other risk factors, adolescents are more prone to violence if they watch numerous depictions of violence.

What parents can do:

• Make sure that your teenagers only consume games and videos that are approved for their age groups.
• Improve the technical protection of your electronic media (e.g. with a child protection filter).
• Restrict the media consumption of your teenagers.
• Talk with your teenagers about their feelings and potential fears concerning their media consumption.

Pornography on the internet⁷

If adolescents surf the internet for information about certain topics, they will sooner or later encounter pornographic images. The interest in sexuality and one’s own physicality is entirely natural and belongs to a healthy development. However, strongly sexualized images can have a disturbing or even frightening effect on adolescents. Pornography frequently has an intimidating effect on teens without previous or only limited sexual experiences in real life. This is why it is against the law in many countries to show or provide pornographic images to minors (children under 16 years old).

If adolescents create material of an erotic nature on their own (photos or videos) and forward the material to their love interests (or even groups of friends), this is called sexting. Special caution must be exercised in this respect. For one, the receivers of such materials can misuse it in numerous ways (compromising pictures may be circulated without consent of the sender). For another, minors may be liable to prosecution if they produce and transmit pornographic materials. Parents should inform themselves about their country-specific statutory provisions.

Cyber or online grooming occurs when adult persons approach children or adolescents on the internet for the purpose of eventually engaging in sexual acts. The anonymity of the internet facilitates such befriending, thus allowing paedosexual perpetrators to present themselves as peers in seeking contacts with children and adolescents. In so doing, it can quickly lead to sexual abuse: exhibitionism, mailing of pornographic content, shocking expressions and actions.

What parents can do:

• It is very important that parents provide their children with age-appropriate discussions about the topic of pornography and be available to answer their questions or clarify previously viewed content. Sex education is very important for a healthy development. For further information about the topic, consult the chapters “Talking with kids about their body and sexuality“  and “Talking with kids about sex and love“.
• It is possible to block X-rated content on your computer, but be aware that your teenagers will probably receive pornographic content via PC from their friends. Thus, encourage your children to discuss provocative content with a person whom they trust.
• Be aware of the age rating of videos and computer games.
• About the topic of ‘‘sexting“:
  Talk with your child about the subject of self-portrayal on the internet: How would you like to be perceived by others? Can you live with the fact that compromising pictures of yourself are passed around in school or circulated elsewhere without your knowledge?
• About the topic of “cyber grooming“:
  Make it clear to your children that they can immediately turn to you if there is anything that appears “creepy“ or disquieting to them on the internet, particularly when chatting. Notify other users, block them or delete the chat contact if infringements occur.
  Adolescents should be urged to be careful with their contact data on the internet. Likewise, they should not imprudently send photos of themselves or turn on their web cams on the computer. Your teenagers should never let anyone persuade them to meet a chatroom acquaintance somewhere alone.